Trusting the Lord with Half my Heart
Recently I have really struggled with what to write. Every time I’ve sat down to type my mind has come up blank.
College has not been something I have enjoyed. This last year was hard and I don’t look forward to going back. I got to spend the summer overseas and now I am home, but all I want is to be back there. My boyfriend is always busy with Army ROTC stuff and working hard in school when all I want is to spend more than a few days together with him…. I could go on and on about things and the way they are and the way I wish they could be but I think you probably can relate or get my point. I am always wanting something other than that which God has given me.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
That verse is a real wake up call for me. I don’t submit to the Lord with my plans. Instead of laying my ideas and plans for life at his feet and insisting upon his will, I come creeping up turning back time after time with an un-relinquished grip on what I want. The funny thing is though- time and time again the Lord shows me how his plan is best and yet I still rather have my own way. But seriously, what is the big deal? Why does it even matter that I trust in him?
In Isaiah 30:15 it says, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” In my first blog post I wrote about how the Lord is truly my strength and apart from him, I have none. This is why I have found trusting the Lord to be so important. If you do not trust in him and his sovereignty how can he possibly be your strength? How can I say that the Lord is my strength and boast in that when I am not willing to even trust him with the plans for my life? I can’t. It is a lot easier to say “I will trust the Lord” than it is to actually do that. Praise God though, as believers, he has made us a new creation and can redeem us from our wayward and short-sighted hearts.
When I look back at the things I wish God had planned differently in my life I am completely humbled. If I wasn’t at this college I would have never had a chance to travel to the Middle East this summer, and to make lots of incredible friendships. If I was still overseas I would have missed out on some incredible ministry opportunities that the Lord ordained to happen here. Lastly, if I got to spend every waking moment with my boyfriend I don’t think we’d have as great communication as we do now and I think I would’ve missed opportunities to grow in friendships outside of our own.
Honestly, praise God that my ways are not his ways all the time. His sovereignty becomes an extraordinary gift when I take a second to look at how his plans truly give him the most glory and mine simply would exalt myself.
