“Bless the Lord, o my soul! O Lord my God, you are very great.”
Recently the past few weeks I have been overseas and God has revealed my weaknesses in His perfect character more than ever. I have learned how I majorly lack self-control, but God is always in control. How I am quick to frustration, but the Lord is slow to anger and abounding in love. I am full of pride from head to toe and I view everything I am to be a result of myself. I sin continuously in distrusting that the Father’s will is good and glorious for His magnification. I do not say all of this to sound as some wounded bird caught in winds of self-deprecation, but to paint a general picture of who I am at my core. For those of you reading and don't know, I'm currently far away from my familiar niche in America, and in an area God has called me to that He may use me as a vessel here. I am far away from everything I used to be dependent on, and God is now teaching me to fully and completely depend on Him and Him alone. You can really forget who you are at the core until you are pretty far out of your comfort zone, kinda like I am now, and the ugly starts to show. The funny thing is I’ve heard stuff like that before and I have always thought my ugly rarely shows, but for me personally, my battle isn’t just always outward, a lot of it is internal. My thoughts are constantly sinful. It is in my thoughts that I really lack self-control, mercy, forgiveness, and a wayward heart. But the wonderful thing is as a believer in Christ Jesus, there is hope in this because of the God I serve.
“‘My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
I am not sharing my sins with y’all for any other reason than to say the God who I serve is greater than this, and his strength is the only strength I really have. I had always mentally acknowledged this fact but until these past three weeks, I don’t think I actually believed it. Over and over again, Scripture would appear about how the Lord is my strength or I’d read something, a book or even an article, and randomly that same fact would be included. By the grace of God, He’s shown me how I’ve allowed myself to take charge and attempt to blot out my sins by myself when I’ve failed every single day over and over. His grace has not been sufficient for me in my own mind, and as a result, I missed the greatness of my Lord when it was right in front of my very eyes.
“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.”
While I was on the plane a few weeks ago this hymn kept coming up and normally I would have listened to it as just another hymn, but it struck me differently this time. Almost a strong conviction in how I had not been viewing my Savior. Read these words and be amazed at the Lord’s power and our weakness.
"Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy wounded side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure,
Save from wrath and make me pure.
Not the labor of my hands
Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know,
Could my tears forever flow,
All for sin could not atone;
Thou must save, and Thou alone.
Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to Thy cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress;
Helpless, look to Thee for grace;
Foul, I to the fountain fly;
Wash me, Savior, or I die.
While I draw this fleeting breath,
When my eyes shall close in death,
When I rise to worlds unknown,
And behold Thee on Thy throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee."